The recipe for being a good guest.
Because a great dinner party is more than good food.
I love to host. Be it two or twenty people, I get a real kick out of bringing people together. In doing so, I have realised that regardless of the food, drink or decor, the hero ingredient for a delightful dinner party will always be a good guest.
This is not to say that I am perfect guest. However, when I am invited into someone else’s home, I like to include a majority of the following ‘good guest’ ingredients. Depending on the host, you can use your discretion to pick and choose which of the below to include. My personal favourites are No. 2, 4 & 7.
As I enter into my mid-twenties, dinner parties have become a cornerstone of nurturing and building my community. Having great guest etiquette is one way which I really protect this avenue to my broader community and ensure a return invite.
My good guest ingredients are as follows.
1. Arrive in the ‘on-time’ window.
For a dinner party, on time is early. Everyone has their own relationship with time and timeliness but when it comes to being hosted, the golden window to arrive will always be 5-10 minutes after the time set by the host. If the start time is 7pm, arrive at 7:05pm. This gives the host a few extra minutes of breathing room to tie up last minute prep. If you do find yourself running late - there is nothing a quick text can’t fix, but try to arrive before the 20 minute window is up.
2. Never arrive empty handed.
This is, in my opinion, one the most important ingredients. When you ask a host ‘can I bring anything?’, and they reply ‘no!’ or ‘just yourself!’, never listen to them. If someone is having you in their space, showing up empty-handed is simply a faux pas.
Showing up with something for the host doesn’t mean breaking the bank. A token of thanks or contribution can be $5 or $50. My go-to gift for a host is a bunch of flowers and a chocolate.
Even if I do contribute a dish or a drink, I still love to give hosts something. When thinking of what to buy them, think about something which they wouldn’t necessarily buy for themselves on regular basis. An example could be little luxuries, particularly those which are consumables, such as high-end groceries or cosmetics.
Here are some of my favs to gift:
1. L'Occitane Shea Butter Hand Cream
4. Sunny Life Travel Cheese Board
5. Nut Starter Pistachio Butter
6. Tony's Chocolonely Dark Almond & Sea Salt Milk Chocolate Bar
3. Read the room.
Whether you know your fellow guests or not, doing your part to make the event feel welcoming for others will be deeply appreciated by everyone in attendance. I know it can be easy to gravitate to those who you know best and stick by their side for the night but here are some secret ingredients to making sure everyone feels welcome…
Do the rounds. If there aren’t too many people present, make sure you say hi or introduce yourself to everyone at the party. This immediately sets the tone for a good time.
Make an effort to be interested and inclusive to people you don’t know. It’s tough walking into a room of strangers. Being interested and inviting to people who you don’t know has a material impact on not only their experience, but the host’s too. When you make the effort, chances are others will follow suit. And who knows? You might even leave with a new friend or two.
Don’t shy away from the small talk. Small talk can be awkward or boring but use it as a tool rather than a thing to avoid. People’s responses to questions like ‘how was your week’ or ‘have you seen that article on blah’ will likely lead you to a good time.
Know what anecdotes are appropriate for the crowd / event. This one can be a little more of an art than the others. When you are standing in a room of strangers or people you aren’t very familiar with, it can be safest to leave the juicy stories, particularly ones about the host, for a later date.
4. Help, or at least offer to help.
At several points during the evening, you’ll likely see the host stressing over a dish or a pile of dishes. As a guest, it’s best to look for moments when you can lend a hand. This could be anything from tying up remaining food prep, serving drinks, refilling snacks, clearing the table, or washing dishes.
With everything happening at once, asking the host, “Can I help?” may simply fall on deaf ears. It’s better to look for moments when help is needed and step in with intent.
Instead of asking, “What can I do?”, offer something like, “I’m going to refill the chip bowl. Is that okay?” This takes the pressure off the host, so they don’t have to figure out how you can help!
5. Know when to call it a night.
I have a friend whose partner, without fail, always lets us know when they're ready for us to leave. We could be in the middle of a conversation, and he’ll announce something like, "I think it’s time for people to start thinking about heading off."The first time it happened, I was thrown off. Now, I love it.
There’s this awkward dance towards the end of the night, between hosts and guests. Hosts will often start to clean while guests will mention how late it is. Either way, it’s important to never overstay your welcome. I’ve had people sit in my living room until the early AM because I’m not quite brave enough to ask someone to leave my home. When there’s a lull in conversation, or people start to look a little bleary-eyed, take it as your cue to politely announce your intention to leave.
6. Thank the host, there and after.
Thanking the host on the way out the door is a bit of a given. One thing I always like to do is to thank the the owner of the house if its different to the host. This is really only relevant if you are visiting friend who are living in family homes.
In addition to the ‘threshold thanks’, make it a habit to pop a quick text to the host on your way home to re-iterate your appreciation for the event. A follow-up text can make the post-event clean up a little more enjoyable for the host!
7. Return the favour of hosting.
After hosting an event, there is something so lovely about a ‘next time I’m hosting!’ from your guest. You don’t need to do anything over the top, simply offering to return the favour of hosting is enough.
Hosting others is a great way to create a grow your community and others. There is something so fun about connecting people. By connecting people in your community, you will strengthen and grow your community. So, next you are hosted, I encourage you to host them and a few other people they don’t know. After all, your guests are the secret ingredient to a good time!
Happy hosting,
Jules.
I love receiving messages the day after I’ve hosted as well, along with any pictures from the event. As host I always forget to snap a picture of food/drinks/guests/table but I always appreciate when others do (without making a big deal of it while doing it). The majority of my friend group are not using any social media, which makes everyone more relaxed in regards to having their photo taken BUT also means a lot of the pictures from the evening are to never be seen by the host
Love the sentiment behind this! I would personally disagree with a couple points as a host. :) If I tell my guests not to bring anything, I really mean it!* I’ve got everything covered and I want them to come and relax (and flowers aren’t actually my favorite to receive as a host—I’m always already stocked and would rather not have to arrange them in the moment).
On a related note, I actually don’t prefer if guests step in and help without asking. Call me a control freak but that stresses me out! 🤣😅 I’m all for a polite, “How can I help?” so I can respond, “drink your drink and tell me about your day!”
*That said I would always bring a little something if my host isn’t someone I know super well or see very often.